Hello Everyone,

Today we have another serious post, because sometimes things happen and I want to talk about it. Usually this happens around 1 am. It's a curious thing really.

It starts with tonight. As some of you know I am OBSESSED with drag queens, and went to see a few of my favorite ones tonight. I had to travel from Bradford to Leeds by myself which was pretty scary and I kind of felt like an idiot being stood there by myself, but I was that dedicated to said drag queens that I didn't care and went anyway.

To make a long story short, people in the audience were rude, the people who worked in the bar were rude, and, sadly enough, one of the queens was rude. I'd met her before and I remember her as being one of my favorites, so I was excited to see her again tonight. While I was waiting to buy HER shirt at the merchandise store, I heard her yell hey at two people who were in the hall leading to the room and, getting really excited, I walked over to tell her how much I enjoyed the show. Now I understand she was only shouting at those two people and didn't want to get bombarded by a load of people. And I get that she didn't want to draw attention to anyone else. But I had overheard and no one else had, so it was just me and the two people she had called. I could have just been walking down the hall. All I wanted to do was say hi. Basically, she ignored me, and when I spoke to her ( I literally only said 'Hi Gorgeous' and 'You were great tonight') she was short, sarcastic, and a bit mean (she spat her chewing gum on the floor as a response to me saying how great she was). I understand she wasn't expecting me there, but when she took a selfie with the other guy and then just walked away without even LOOKING at me, it broke my heart a little. I spent money I really don't have to go to this gig and had to walk, take a train, and a taxi to get to the show by myself at night, only to have her make me feel like an absolute idiot for it. I'm not that fussy, I didn't mind I didn't get a picture. I would have been SO happy just to have gotten a smile or a genuine thank you. I understand that she has created a character as someone who acts rude but is actually really nice, but I don't think it was an act. And this situation has really made me think long and hard about the way I idolize people.

People who know me know that I am someone who becomes obsessed with people quick and that my obsessions are usually hardcore (famous people, not just random people I know- that would be so weird). I don't know how it happened, but when I was 13 I just kind of started obsessing over celebrities and being a PROPER fangirl. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I wasn't really liked by boys or never had more than 4 friends, but that's probably something I should discuss with my therapist. (SIKE, I don't have a therapist. They're expensive. But I have a mom and a best friend so that's basically the same).

Anyway,  I've been a fan of loads of things now, and because they're usually huge celebrities I've rarely ever gotten the chance to properly meet them. Because of this, I only saw them in interviews and videos and stuff like that, and created these perfect people in my head that were always lovely and nice. I still do this now. Even though I'm an 'adult', I still fangirl over loads of people and the more I obsess over them, the more I start to idolize them and think of them as these perfect people. Social media is great for feeding these obsessions, and if you only look at what an artist puts out into the world it's obviously going to be lovely and nice, but most of all -not real. I'm not saying all celebrities are evil and I would still like to believe that most of them are genuinely like the way they present themselves to the world, but I do think that sometimes you need to stop and think that maybe that person you've created in your head is just a person in your head and not at all like the real person. If you get to meet the real person and they're exactly like how you imagined them that's GREAT, but there's a chance that they're not and that's okay! They're only people and it's not their fault you idolized them.

I think what I'm trying to say to you, but mainly to myself, is to focus more on the real people in your life and less on people you've created in your head. I know that when I don't have a lot of friends or feel a bit lonely I tend to obsess over people more than when I have people to hang out with and things to do. The scary thing about obsessing is that you're making up this person from the bits and pieces of them you've seen on tv or videos and that's really not fair to them or to you.

I'm going to try and stop idolizing drag queens, singers, actors, and other celebrities because I don't want to be let down like I was tonight. I will remember that to every celebrity there is the entertainer and there is the person, and just because I know the entertainer doesn't mean I know the person. I'll know that even though it feels like we've been friends for ages, I've never ACTUALLY met these people and I don't know ANYTHING about who they really are. Just remember to go in with an open mind and don't set them any standards that they can't fulfill.  No one is perfect, no matter how much you want them to be.


Hugs and Kisses