Dear America,

9:56:00 AM

You have broken my heart. 

I love you. Ever since I was two years old, I have said you were my home. I might have grown up in a different country, but my American blood runs thick and our yearly visits to California and Tennessee have been the highlight of my year for as long as I can remember.

America is the country of big dreamers. The Netherlands is sober, realistic, and I've never fit in. Americans understood me, and I understood them. I was never an outsider. I always felt at home.

America, for 21 years you have been my one true love. Living in Las Vegas was a dream come true, but I was too young and not ready to be that far away from my family. But I was going to come back to you as soon as I finished my degree. I've always said I was going back. America is the place I was going to marry. Where I was going to have a family, with my white picket fence, three kids and two dogs. America was the happy ending I have been working towards all my life.

Today everything has changed. You have broken my heart. You had been going through a phase that I didn't like, but I thought that you would change. If we got a new president, a fresh start, things would calm down. Cops would stop killing, people would get proper punishment for their crimes again. I thought all you needed was some time to come to your senses and realize how awful you were being. You never did.

When Donald Trump announced his presidency I thought it was funny. Granted, I barely knew the guy apart from the fact that I had (an awful) lunch in his tower- but I never thought he could be seriously considered as president. He was just in it for the attention.

As time went on and I learned more about Donald Trump I started to get nervous. This was a man who raped his own wife, who didn't pay his taxes, who wanted to build a wall to keep Mexicans out of the country- I didn't want this guy anywhere near the Whitehouse! However, Trump himself wasn't the scariest part of this whole situation. Trump's supporters were what really scared me. Fair enough to have one crazy man yelling racist and sexists things, but for people to actually agree with him?! Agree with him so much they thought it was okay to yell racist slurs at people with a different skincolor, or go as far as burn their churches down. Trump is a racist, sexist, homophobic idiot, okay, but all of the sudden there were so many people who supported him! So many people who were racist, sexist, and homophobic too! I've always known they existed, of course (did I not mention I used to go to Tennessee every year?), but I didn't think there would be that many. And they were so angry! So angry and aggressive, just like Trump. And that scared me.

Last night I didn't sleep. I was nervous, tossing and turning in bed all night, constantly checking my phone for poll updates. I was sure Hillary was going to win but I wanted to check anyway. I have never been a big Hillary fan but then again I have never really understood a lot about politics, but this election was so easy for me. Anyone but the racist, sexist, homophobic scumbag. Anyone who doesn't believe someone's life is worth more than someone else's just based on their skintone. A lot of my European friends tried to tell me that Hillary was just as bad as Trump, that they wouldn't vote for either if they were me. I didn't understand how they could say this- sure I didn't get every political aspect of this election, but surely it was pretty obvious that Donald Trump is simply a horrible person with no moral standards, surely they understood that anyone, ANYONE, would be better than him? Hell, at least Hillary wasn't backed by the KKK!

I started listening to Trump's speeches and trying to understand what people saw in him. "We are going to defeat ISIS!" he said. People cheered. Yes, I would love to get rid of ISIS mister Trump but tell me, exactly how do you plan on getting rid of them? That he didn't specify. All he had to do was tell people what they wanted to hear and they would eat it up. No backing arguments, no facts, just a bunch of hot air and loud words.

Last night I didn't sleep. I put my phone away at midnight and figured if I went to sleep it would be morning soon and I would get to celebrate the first female president. I woke up an hour later and checked my phone, things were going steady. Another hour later Trump had taken a small lead. I couldn't believe it! I figured when the swing states would come in Hillary would overtake him again and tried to go back to sleep with a weird feeling in my stomach. Half an hour later I got a text from my dad. "Omg, I can't believe this is happening :(" I checked the polls and Trump had gotten massively ahead. He was going to win Pennsylvania, the state I was counting on to give Hillary the push she needed to win. He had won Florida, an incredibly important state. It was 3 am, but I couldn't go back to sleep.

News, Facebook, twitter, tumblr -refresh.

News, Facebook, twitter, tumblr -refresh.

He was winning. He was actually winning. His chances were up to 91%. I thought of this video I has seen of a Trump supporter verbally abusing a black man in his car, of videos of Trump rallies and the hate his supporters spewed. I thought of the minorities, black families, hispanic families, lgbt+ people, and women sat in front of the tv watching this man win the election. I thought of how afraid they must be, about how much harder their lives were going to become, harder than they already were, and I cried. 

I haven't stopped crying since.

I cry for innocent black men who are getting shot by cops for no reason. Who are getting attacked by white supremacists, who are getting called n**** and told they are nothing but slaves. 

I cry for black parents who have to explain to their children that their lives are now more in danger than ever. 

I cry for hispanics, and all the other ethnic minorities, who's futures in the US are now so unsure.

I cry for the young, scared, lgbt+ teens and children who may now never find the courage to come out and will have to live a lie for the rest of their lives, and for those who have already come out but now are at even more risk to be hurt for just being themselves.

I cry for the muslims and all other religious 'minorities', who will be targeted and scapegoated now more than ever.

I cry for the women who will not report their sexual assault and rape because they are scared to not be taken seriously, who will most likely never get the justice they deserve. 

I cry for the women working in a male dominated industry, who will now have to work even harder to prove themselves and endure more sexism than ever before.

I cry for my grandmothers, who have worked so hard for women's rights, and are now being led by a rapists who thinks it's okay to 'grab 'm by the pussy'.

I cry for my family, who have to live in a country filled with so much hate and anger. 

And I cry for myself, because I think I have lost my home.

You Might Also Like

4 reacties

  1. Please stop. You played no role in this election. You out of anyone should keep your opinion to yourself. Stay in your country please.

    1. Hi, I am actually an American citizen and voted in the election. I most definitely played a role in this election. Also, a blog is for people to talk about their opinions, if you don't like it, don't read it! Freedom of speech remember? :)

  2. Dear Anonymous,
    Just because a US citizen does not live in the US does not mean they are not US citizens. Our education system in America that you went through must be suffering as well or you would know this. Uneducated and disrespectful Americans much like you react like you do because we do not agree with your opinions. The fact that you do not even have the courage to leave your name just shows you are not willing to stand up and take responsibility for your actions or what I would assume is your regard for the ow morals of the person you most likely voted for.
    We Americans live everywhere. Once people looked up to us and envied that we came from such a great country. Now they laugh at us and pity us for being part of a country that obviously has given up on the very things that once made it great including the ability to have different opinions and respecting others for theirs even if we do not agree.
    But I think your message as an obviously American person who voted for the Donald simply reinforces the very heart of this post.
    I love my country but I too do not live within its borders. And to see that there are people such as yourself who do who write nasty messages anonymously hiding behind your own bigotry, hatred, ignorance or anyone different than yourself is only more reason not to return home anytime soon. No, instead I will stay and represent the real America and try to show the world that hope is not lost in America but America is just hopeless lost.

  3. You are writing some Amazing tips. This article really helped me a lot. Thanks for sharing this blog.
    nykaa Lipstick Sale