Hello Everyone!
Before I start this post, I would just like to share that it is currently a Friday afternoon in Amsterdam, and both my parents are out doing things with friends and I, the teenager, am home alone with no plans at all. Like none. Zero. What the hell is up with that?!
That's actually quite an accurate representation of what about 60% of my summer has been like. Even though my parents don't usually go out with friends, they still work a lot which leaves me stuck at home alone. Now, don't get me wrong. I have some great friends and I have done some awesome things this summer, like going on a holiday to Mallorca, staying at my best friends' house while her parents were gone and spending lots of quality time with family and stuff, but when everyone's to work/school/hanging out with their boyfriends or other friends, there is literally nothing for me to do and I am so bored of hanging out by myself all day.
I don't want to come off as complaining or ungrateful or whatever, because to be fair, this is what I've wanted for a very long time. Going home for the summer, hanging out with friends and family, laying in bed doing nothing, no responsibilities- yatta yatta yatta. And it was GREAT. For a while. But I have been out of school since May. MAY! Do you have any idea how long that is? Well I'll tell you. It's 3 and a half months. Now tell me, what is a girl with no siblings, like three friends and no job to do for THREE AND A HALF MONTHS? "Well Rowan", I hear you all say, "Why didn't you just get a job of your own?" Because I had surgery. And I wasn't allowed to do any hard work for 6 weeks. And the surgery was basically in the middle of summer and you can't get a job for just a month right? Right? -Okay fine, I'll admit it. Maybe a small part of me didn't really want to get a job. Because maybe I'm a little... lazy. So sure, when summer started I was super thrilled about chilling in the house by myself with absolutely nothing to do but catch up on my favorite shows and eat all the food in the fridge. For the first month or so. After that it started to get a bit boring. And then a lot boring. And now I'm just plain old annoyed.
I mean, you would think in a city like Amsterdam there's a ton to do right? And I mean, I'm sure there is, if you have the money and resources to do it. (No money and no car, is that problem familiar to anyone?) But being fed up with being cooped inside this darn house for a whole week, I decided to go out today. My friends were all unavailable but I didn't mind cause I'm pretty okay with going out and doing stuff by myself, so I got on the tram into downtown Amsterdam. And then I was there. And I didn't have a clue of what to do next. I couldn't really go shopping because I only had 30 bucks for groceries and I tried just walking around but I was wearing a short skirt and it was really windy- so I just got the groceries and went home. Exciting, am I right?
It's strange because, even though I do enjoy lying on the couch all day watching Charmed and stalking 5 Seconds of Summer on social media, it makes me feel kind of purposeless. I feel like I should be out, exploring the city and making tons of friends and all of these amazing memories of wild adventures, but I just don't really want to. There's so much pressure on having fun as a teenager and being outgoing and social -especially in the summer- that it's actually made me feel bad for wanting to do what I want to do. And even though I do get bored being by myself doing nothing all day, the thought of going out into the "real world" and doing stuff and meeting strangers scares me so much that I'd rather stay home alone and be miserable. I'm not sure if this is just normal teenage behavior or if it's a case of complete (social) anxiety, but whatever it is, it blows.
I never thought I'd say this but- I can't wait to go back to school.
Are any of you guys experiencing the same "Summer Snooze" I am, or am I just being really lame? Let me now!
Hugs and Kisses!
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